What You Love More Than Love

So the question of the day: What do I love more than affection?

Well the obvious answer: the Gospel.

What all this means:
I'm beginning to realize how selfish I am in my love. I love "love." My favorite songs are "love" songs. Right now my Grooveshark account songs include ones like, "If You Won't"(Jesse Harris), "What I did for Love"(Original Broadway Cast), "A Wish"(Gregory and the Hawk), "As Long as You're Mine"(Indina Menzel), "Vulnerable"(Secondhand Serenade), and "The Scientist"(Coldplay). My favorite books are Twilight. Even my style I would clasify as romanitc. I am obsessed with "love." I am most definitely a hopeless romanitc.

Why?

I'll admit I love affection. I love being loved. But right now I'm working on being content with what God has given me. If I can't be happy on my own, no man will ever make me happy. So I'm looking for what I love more than "love."

I love people. I love watching new people and trying to come up with their lives in my head. Yes, yes I know I'm "judging" people, but I'm not hating on them it's just my actress side flaring up and wanting to create people from what I see of them. I love figuring people out.

I love sound. I love making music. There's not much I can say about this except that I just love the way sound conducts emotion and thought without words. I have always loved music.

I love motion. I love dance in this way, I just love letting the free energy that's been pent up for long periods of time be conducted by this previously mentioned love of music. I love regimented motion as well, the feeling of marching and being precise. Other times I love disordered motion, when dancing just to feel the wind against your skin.

I love words. I love the hidden meanings in words. This is why I love to write. I love creating new meaning for old words and using them in new ways especially when you can more clearly express thoughts this way.

I love color. However not as much as a good artist friend of mine. I love the way God creates works of art that we mostly pass by. I love the looks of the brick here on campus contrasting the huge trees and chameleon leaves. I love the combination of sight sound and smell of the ocean. The whole of it works together to create an indescribable gift that you could sit and think on for hours and never get bored.

All these things are better than affection and more necessary, however I have to keep falling back on that promise that Christ is all I need.

At the suggestion of a friend, I'm debating going on a fast for a day, whenever I have a day that I can focus on God. On this day I would go somewhere alone and spend the entirety of the day with God and His Word. No food. Maybe some water. No music. No company. Just me and God. It's all to prove to myself that God is, in fact, more necessary than water or food or company or music or anything at all. That Christ wasn't kidding when He said that He is all you need. That His "food" is to do the Father's will. I want that to be my food and not human affection.

Because I don't need it, but humanly I want it.

But I want to want God more.

~Elyz~