So if I were to hit the sack right now I'd get a good 7 hours of sleep, but of course that's far too easy.
Actually I can't sleep. It's T-3 days and counting until the big trip and while I'm not really having second thoughts, it's unnerving. Everything in my life has been falling into place rather quickly as of late, which I know is a God thing and I should be thankful. But if you really know me, you'll understand that it makes me feel as if I'm free falling without a parachute.
I decided today that I'll be moving out of the house this Fall and into my first apartment. Don't get me wrong, it's a huge load off my back; however, that feeling is beginning to hit me again...that feeling of being stretched. The feeling you got on the first day of Kindergarten. The feeling you got when you sat behind the wheel for the first time. The feeling of your practice graduation service. The feeling of growing up.
If you're not careful you'd say that it feels bad. I've noticed lately that everything I feel isn't so black and white. Not to be misconstrued: I know that things are distinctly right and wrong but emotions are harder to tack. The feeling of spicy food is a sensation that some people like while others, like me, would rather not feel. The feeling of the wind in your hair is nice some days and others you just don't want to experience that at the moment. That's how growing up is. Longing for the past while hopeful for the future. It's not inherantly unpleasant, however if you let it lay there in your mind it can grow to be.
I'm sure it would surprise none of you if I said that I've been thinking about my future husband a lot lately. This growing up thing has really changed my perception of him through the years and it only goes to prove what I knew all along:
God knows exactly what you/I need in a spouse. Even when we're not ready to know what we need.
This simple truth is so incredibly freeing to me. If God knows what I'll need in a co-sharer of the gospel, then he'll let me know when I can fully appreciate it and agree. Needless to say, this explains a lot.
This explains why I couldn't get my way and marry the first cute guy I liked in Kindergarten who never noticed nerdy little me. (Will post pic later) This would explain why, as much as He knows I tried, I could never make it work with other guys along the way. It's not because I didn't really love them or really try, but because I didn't know what I would/will become let alone what that means I would need.
Not to say that I do know now, it's just comforting. :)
So I've got three days left and just to warn you: I have no idea who I'll be when I come back, but pray that God will make me into a more godly, more mature woman of God.
Here's present Elyz saying,
"Here's lookin at you, kid."
(See: elyzabroad.blogspot.com for entries while in Prague!)
