Remember me when you dissolve in the rain...

(Lyrics from "Black Water Falls" by: The War on Drugs)

Today I have several song suggestions for you all, so enjoy!
(Black Water Falls by: The War on Drugs,
Why Can't We Fall in Love Forever by: The Physics of Meaning,
Like a Staring Contest by: The Future Kings of Nowhere,
Sing by: Travis,
Skinny Love by: Bon Iver)

The Physics of Meaning and The Future Kings of Nowhere are both local bands--for those of you who are locals.

Haven't I learned this lesson yet? (Patience: the lesson that never gets learned.)

I'm waiting for a lot of things lately. I can't help but think at some point I would have learned this lesson. I'm trying to do my best with what I've been given, but at points I feel like I'm over-reacting to the snip-its of information God has given me.

I like acting.
I need a man who doesn't need me.
I should constantly be evaluating my priorities.
I need to learn to say "no."

But I can't necessarily use all that information to say,

I must do [variable] with my life!

This begins to annoy.

For those of you who either know me or know this blog, you know I like to have a road-map, like my Dad. Yes, Dad, as much as you think I'm like Mom--flying by the seat of my pants--I don't like wandering aimlessly most of the time.

I would so much rather know where I'm going so that I can make sure to prepare accordingly/get used to it.

So many options these days...film or stage...home or abroad...graduate to more school or work...

I'm working on it. Every time I feel like I've got a handle on the direction I'm going to step forward in, God laughs. I'm I really that bad at guessing?

I think I'm going to start writing some more, once the show closes of course. I think I will also play guitar more...I'd really like to be good at that.

My roommate made an excellent point last night. She said that we should start enjoying our singleness, which seemed incomprehensible to me at the time (You should know that I am RARELY happy to be single) however, she said that most of her married friends have very little time to themselves to memorize Scripture, or just to do what they love.

So I'm going to really try to memorize Scripture (something I've never really attempted, don't get all righteous, you know you don't either) and get really good at guitar, because I can. I mean I'll still act when I can but I'm not going to kill myself trying to act every single chance there is.

I want to see if I'm good at film. Honestly, I have a hunch I'm a better film actress than stage, but you never know.

And as far as after graduation, I have a whole year to worry myself about that. And I know I will. Who really knows what they're doing anyway?

Mulling over life,
~Elyz~

Niches.

Hello cyberworld, it's been too long.

Meanwhile in Elyz's world: I've been in rehearsal for "The Philadelphia Story" which is turning out wonderfully and will be opening soon. I also worked on a 48-hour film festival this weekend for SparkCon.

I wanted to talk about the later a smidge bit.

I got to see the finished product last night and was thoroughly proud of myself. I was positively shocked. I mean I am never really truely proud of the things I do, I'm mostly okay at most things. But I'm not afraid to say I did really well with this character. And it feels phenomenal.

I haven't done hardly any film previous to this but I can assure you that I'll be attempting more in the future.

On the other hand I've got too many options. I could graduate in a year, technically. If not then than the spring of that year. It's time to be honest with myself and the world: I'm petrified.

What have I spent the past two years doing? I'm more confused than I was when I started two years ago! I thought that college was for--figuring out your niche. Well, it's not doing a very good job.

I began with two options of career and now I've got so many I'm not even going to try to count them. I keep praying that God will clarify what He wants for me, but it seems like He just throws out more options.

I know God has gifted me for a reason. There are jobs out there that I am right for and can bless others with...so why is it so hard to decipher which ones are the best?

I'm not auditioning for Rent.

I know that much. This weekend showed me that God will provide the opportunities as long as I'm consistant in following His conviction. So I'm not even going to audition.

I've also learned that I've been afraid of the industry. I know, I was surprised too. I've been so scared of being asked to do something that I won't do and having to reject an opportunity that I've told myself I'm not good enough to even try. (Don't ask, my mind is twisted.)

Well, I'm not afraid anymore. If I have to shut a door, God can take care of it. I mean what kind of faith is it to assume you can mess up God's plans?

Conclusion: God, I have no earthly idea what you want for my life but I'll keep holding to what You've said and You can just figure out how to get me there, haha!

Today is a great day.
:)

Figuring out the world one day at a time,
~Elyz~