Skizophrenia

WARNING: I have no idea where this post is going...

My life is organized in file folders. I have each part set off in another section of my brain with its associated friends, activities, and emotions. And every so often I have to choose which part I spend more time in, invest in you might say. I'm sure you are not unlike me. You make choices to attend one event and miss another based on importance. Not that any one of these file folders isn't important in its own right, but some preceed others.

Quite clearly family trumps in most cases. However some days I wonder if I chose the right file folder. (I spent today with my family and church family and have no regrets about that, I'm speaking of previous days.) You make a quick choice which you hope won't come back to bite you when you find out what you could have been doing.

A friend of mine classified this as the dissease of not wanting to miss out on anything and I can't say I disagree. People always say that college should be the best four years of your life. What incredible pressure! I mean on top of attempting to make good grades you have to ALSO make sure you're having the most fun you'll ever have, because you've already been told "This is as good as it gets." How depressing is that?

So you put all your assorted friends and activities in their appropriate file folders and attempt to decipher which will be the most fun with the least consequences in each given circumstance. Maybe that's why binge drinking is so rampant on college campuses? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Are we having fun yet?

I titled this post Skizophrenia because sometimes it seems that way. That one minute life is going great and then you start to question if you're doing it right. And the answer is always no because there's always more you could study, more you could experience, there's no way that we could do it all in four years.

On top of all this, most people are said to meet their future spouse in college. As if I didn't have enough to worry about getting done. The stress is tremendous.

Example: I'm looking at possibly moving into an apartment (or dorm) and out of my parents house this fall. The real question is: "What will I miss?" If I live with my parents it's time that could be spent on studying, theatre, and friends. If I live near campus it's my brothers and sister growing up and the council my parents provide. (Not to mention free rent and groceries as well as other misc. benefits.) So how do you go about comparing the two? They're apples and oranges.

I'm leaving for Prague soon. I will be missing a lot by going. But would I miss more if I didn't? There's no way to know what I will be missing until it happens and the moment is gone. This is why I'm so terrible about deciding things.

...well that's not what I had planned to say at all...

vexed,
Elyz

Elyz the Gypsy

Elyz is going abroad!

I'll be blogging on a different blog while abroad for organizational sake. Here's the link!

http://elyzabroad.blogspot.com/

Once I'm back I'll be back to this address. Check the counter 37 days!

Na shledanou!
~Elyz~

When You're the Best of Friends...

For those of you who have been keeping up with my Blog for a little while I'm sure you've noticed that I am indeed one of "those" people. I hereby confess that I am a "over-dramatic-late-night-studying-showtunes-singing-attention-loving-crazy-theatre-person." This last show I've been privy to serve in was titled "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog" and I was blessed to be able to work costumes for this student-run show. This show was absolutely wonderful and filled with amazingly talented people on and off the stage who were not strangers to the idea of servant leadership.

For those of you who have not darkened the doorway of a theatre, let me attempt to convey what happens. A group of partial to complete strangers get cast or agree to help with a show. They attempt to do the script justice and in the process are forced to jump through some awkward hoops and just plain shennanigans in order to achieve the afore mentioned goal. In this process they become closer than they were at their point of casting/recruiting. Then the show opens. They make theatrical magic and the crowd loves it, and all of a sudden they're your family. This is the part I can't explain, because although you may not know any more about them than you did before opening night, you'd gladly spend the next month performing (and basicly living) with them (or most of them.) Then you have several days of chaotic bliss as the show runs its course. And then the curtain falls and you push the anxiety to the back of your head so that you can take care of cleaning up the mess of art you've all made on stage. But once you're all back in your respective places it doesn't feel right. There's nothing more to clean, place, say and you know that you will never get back that show ever again.

But there is some comfort because the majority of your cast and crew feel the same way. We theatre types call this "actor's remorse." And then of course the pictures go up on facebook and everyone gets excited to see each other again at the cast party. But nothing will ever be the same because you've been there and you will always have that cast/crew as a sort of extended family.

This is not someting I want to live without. Nor something I ever plan on living without. I'd like to thank the Dr. Horrible cast and crew for being so great and showing me (even though you didn't know it at the time) that my place is here with you crazy people. I may not know where I'm going but I know what I'll be doing. I love you all and I am impatient for the next time that we can work art together again.

I'll miss you so incredibly much this summer!
here's lookin at you kids,

~Elyz~