Skizophrenia

WARNING: I have no idea where this post is going...

My life is organized in file folders. I have each part set off in another section of my brain with its associated friends, activities, and emotions. And every so often I have to choose which part I spend more time in, invest in you might say. I'm sure you are not unlike me. You make choices to attend one event and miss another based on importance. Not that any one of these file folders isn't important in its own right, but some preceed others.

Quite clearly family trumps in most cases. However some days I wonder if I chose the right file folder. (I spent today with my family and church family and have no regrets about that, I'm speaking of previous days.) You make a quick choice which you hope won't come back to bite you when you find out what you could have been doing.

A friend of mine classified this as the dissease of not wanting to miss out on anything and I can't say I disagree. People always say that college should be the best four years of your life. What incredible pressure! I mean on top of attempting to make good grades you have to ALSO make sure you're having the most fun you'll ever have, because you've already been told "This is as good as it gets." How depressing is that?

So you put all your assorted friends and activities in their appropriate file folders and attempt to decipher which will be the most fun with the least consequences in each given circumstance. Maybe that's why binge drinking is so rampant on college campuses? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Are we having fun yet?

I titled this post Skizophrenia because sometimes it seems that way. That one minute life is going great and then you start to question if you're doing it right. And the answer is always no because there's always more you could study, more you could experience, there's no way that we could do it all in four years.

On top of all this, most people are said to meet their future spouse in college. As if I didn't have enough to worry about getting done. The stress is tremendous.

Example: I'm looking at possibly moving into an apartment (or dorm) and out of my parents house this fall. The real question is: "What will I miss?" If I live with my parents it's time that could be spent on studying, theatre, and friends. If I live near campus it's my brothers and sister growing up and the council my parents provide. (Not to mention free rent and groceries as well as other misc. benefits.) So how do you go about comparing the two? They're apples and oranges.

I'm leaving for Prague soon. I will be missing a lot by going. But would I miss more if I didn't? There's no way to know what I will be missing until it happens and the moment is gone. This is why I'm so terrible about deciding things.

...well that's not what I had planned to say at all...

vexed,
Elyz