Back from the Future

Hello Sweetie,

Sorry it's been so long.  In my defense I did lose my password.  However I have returned triumphantly!  So here's a poem from John Dryden for your enjoyment:

A Song for St. Cecilia's Day
(1687)

FROM harmony, from heavenly harmony,
This universal frame began:
When nature underneath a heap
Of jarring atoms lay,
And could not heave her head,	5
The tuneful voice was heard from high,
'Arise, ye more than dead!'
Then cold, and hot, and moist, and dry,
In order to their stations leap,
And Music's power obey.	10
From harmony, from heavenly harmony,
This universal frame began:
From harmony to harmony
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,
The diapason closing full in Man.	15
What passion cannot Music raise and quell?
When Jubal struck the chorded shell,
His listening brethren stood around,
And, wondering, on their faces fell
To worship that celestial sound:	20
Less than a God they thought there could not dwell
Within the hollow of that shell,
That spoke so sweetly, and so well.
What passion cannot Music raise and quell?
The trumpet's loud clangour	25
Excites us to arms,
With shrill notes of anger,
And mortal alarms.
The double double double beat
Of the thundering drum	30
Cries Hark! the foes come;
Charge, charge, 'tis too late to retreat!
The soft complaining flute,
In dying notes, discovers
The woes of hopeless lovers,	35
Whose dirge is whisper'd by the warbling lute.
Sharp violins proclaim
Their jealous pangs and desperation,
Fury, frantic indignation,
Depth of pains, and height of passion,	40
For the fair, disdainful dame.
But O, what art can teach,
What human voice can reach,
The sacred organ's praise?
Notes inspiring holy love,	45
Notes that wing their heavenly ways
To mend the choirs above.
Orpheus could lead the savage race;
And trees unrooted left their place,
Sequacious of the lyre;	50
But bright Cecilia rais'd the wonder higher:
When to her organ vocal breath was given,
An angel heard, and straight appear'd
Mistaking Earth for Heaven.
GRAND CHORUS. As from the power of sacred lays	55
The spheres began to move,
And sung the great Creator's praise
To all the Blest above;
So when the last and dreadful hour
This crumbling pageant shall devour,	60
The trumpet shall be heard on high,
The dead shall live, the living die,
And Music shall untune the sky! http://www.bartleby.com/101/399.html

Remember me when you dissolve in the rain...

(Lyrics from "Black Water Falls" by: The War on Drugs)

Today I have several song suggestions for you all, so enjoy!
(Black Water Falls by: The War on Drugs,
Why Can't We Fall in Love Forever by: The Physics of Meaning,
Like a Staring Contest by: The Future Kings of Nowhere,
Sing by: Travis,
Skinny Love by: Bon Iver)

The Physics of Meaning and The Future Kings of Nowhere are both local bands--for those of you who are locals.

Haven't I learned this lesson yet? (Patience: the lesson that never gets learned.)

I'm waiting for a lot of things lately. I can't help but think at some point I would have learned this lesson. I'm trying to do my best with what I've been given, but at points I feel like I'm over-reacting to the snip-its of information God has given me.

I like acting.
I need a man who doesn't need me.
I should constantly be evaluating my priorities.
I need to learn to say "no."

But I can't necessarily use all that information to say,

I must do [variable] with my life!

This begins to annoy.

For those of you who either know me or know this blog, you know I like to have a road-map, like my Dad. Yes, Dad, as much as you think I'm like Mom--flying by the seat of my pants--I don't like wandering aimlessly most of the time.

I would so much rather know where I'm going so that I can make sure to prepare accordingly/get used to it.

So many options these days...film or stage...home or abroad...graduate to more school or work...

I'm working on it. Every time I feel like I've got a handle on the direction I'm going to step forward in, God laughs. I'm I really that bad at guessing?

I think I'm going to start writing some more, once the show closes of course. I think I will also play guitar more...I'd really like to be good at that.

My roommate made an excellent point last night. She said that we should start enjoying our singleness, which seemed incomprehensible to me at the time (You should know that I am RARELY happy to be single) however, she said that most of her married friends have very little time to themselves to memorize Scripture, or just to do what they love.

So I'm going to really try to memorize Scripture (something I've never really attempted, don't get all righteous, you know you don't either) and get really good at guitar, because I can. I mean I'll still act when I can but I'm not going to kill myself trying to act every single chance there is.

I want to see if I'm good at film. Honestly, I have a hunch I'm a better film actress than stage, but you never know.

And as far as after graduation, I have a whole year to worry myself about that. And I know I will. Who really knows what they're doing anyway?

Mulling over life,
~Elyz~

Niches.

Hello cyberworld, it's been too long.

Meanwhile in Elyz's world: I've been in rehearsal for "The Philadelphia Story" which is turning out wonderfully and will be opening soon. I also worked on a 48-hour film festival this weekend for SparkCon.

I wanted to talk about the later a smidge bit.

I got to see the finished product last night and was thoroughly proud of myself. I was positively shocked. I mean I am never really truely proud of the things I do, I'm mostly okay at most things. But I'm not afraid to say I did really well with this character. And it feels phenomenal.

I haven't done hardly any film previous to this but I can assure you that I'll be attempting more in the future.

On the other hand I've got too many options. I could graduate in a year, technically. If not then than the spring of that year. It's time to be honest with myself and the world: I'm petrified.

What have I spent the past two years doing? I'm more confused than I was when I started two years ago! I thought that college was for--figuring out your niche. Well, it's not doing a very good job.

I began with two options of career and now I've got so many I'm not even going to try to count them. I keep praying that God will clarify what He wants for me, but it seems like He just throws out more options.

I know God has gifted me for a reason. There are jobs out there that I am right for and can bless others with...so why is it so hard to decipher which ones are the best?

I'm not auditioning for Rent.

I know that much. This weekend showed me that God will provide the opportunities as long as I'm consistant in following His conviction. So I'm not even going to audition.

I've also learned that I've been afraid of the industry. I know, I was surprised too. I've been so scared of being asked to do something that I won't do and having to reject an opportunity that I've told myself I'm not good enough to even try. (Don't ask, my mind is twisted.)

Well, I'm not afraid anymore. If I have to shut a door, God can take care of it. I mean what kind of faith is it to assume you can mess up God's plans?

Conclusion: God, I have no earthly idea what you want for my life but I'll keep holding to what You've said and You can just figure out how to get me there, haha!

Today is a great day.
:)

Figuring out the world one day at a time,
~Elyz~

Now What?

It's been about a month since I arrived home from Prague and I'm ready to go back. I knew this was coming though. This doesn't surprise me in the least.

I know God has work for me right here in college, in work, in church, in theatre...but what?

I've recently joined the cast for the first show of the year, The Philadelphia Story, and it's going to be wonderful, however I can't seem to shake this feeling that there's got to be something more that I should be doing.

After all the training and growing up I went through during the summer, this just seems like a let down. Am I missing something?

Lately I've been begging God to send me. I honestly know I'm ready to do some awesome work for Christ. I want to make a difference for the gospel but I feel like I'm being caged. And I know what you're going to say, "wait on the Lord." Well, I'm trying.

I can't help feeling that my influence here has ceased to be useful. People respect that I don't force religion in their faces and that's great and wonderful but I feel like they've gotten used to me. And to what I know about Christ.

This doesn't make any sense does it? Even as I'm typing it doesn't make sense.

On the other hand, I've started riding my bike lately to classes, and it feels like victory.

(I have no grip on words today.)
~Elyz~

Back at the Booth

Hello friends,

I'm back here in the US of A and back to the tiny concrete booth I live in from 9 to 5 every weekday.

There's so much to say and no words to say it with. But I'll attempt...

I've grown up so much over this summer and can say with full confidence that God is making me into the woman He wants me to be. He opened doors every single day for me to glorify Him and talk about Him with my peers and the people of the Czech Republic.

This is the second time in my life thus far that I've gone through days where I had nothing at all to cling to but Christ and I have to say it's incredibly empowering. I woke up every morning those first few weeks and brushed my teeth looking out over the Prague skyline and prayed that God would use me.

Praise God, He did.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I've become perfect by going but that I have changed. I can hardly recognize myself from the person I was before.

My mind is still blown that God used me to encourage a group of youth and their pastor who had narrowly escaped arrest and possibly death in Birma for their faith. In the Czech Republic.

I would like for all of you who do claim Christ to pray for them and their pastor Rocky and pray that God sends them Bibles in their own language.

I can't stop thinking about what God has done for me and others on this trip and yet I'm so afraid I'll forget. I'm afraid that I'll fall back into myself and let myself focus on angsting over guys and drama or preoccupy myself with trying to plan out my future when I should really just rest in God's love and peace, knowing that I don't have to steer.

Pray for me.

Praise God for all the amazing things He's done!

To be continued...
~Elyz~

The Sound of Growing Up

So if I were to hit the sack right now I'd get a good 7 hours of sleep, but of course that's far too easy.

Actually I can't sleep. It's T-3 days and counting until the big trip and while I'm not really having second thoughts, it's unnerving. Everything in my life has been falling into place rather quickly as of late, which I know is a God thing and I should be thankful. But if you really know me, you'll understand that it makes me feel as if I'm free falling without a parachute.

I decided today that I'll be moving out of the house this Fall and into my first apartment. Don't get me wrong, it's a huge load off my back; however, that feeling is beginning to hit me again...that feeling of being stretched. The feeling you got on the first day of Kindergarten. The feeling you got when you sat behind the wheel for the first time. The feeling of your practice graduation service. The feeling of growing up.

If you're not careful you'd say that it feels bad. I've noticed lately that everything I feel isn't so black and white. Not to be misconstrued: I know that things are distinctly right and wrong but emotions are harder to tack. The feeling of spicy food is a sensation that some people like while others, like me, would rather not feel. The feeling of the wind in your hair is nice some days and others you just don't want to experience that at the moment. That's how growing up is. Longing for the past while hopeful for the future. It's not inherantly unpleasant, however if you let it lay there in your mind it can grow to be.

I'm sure it would surprise none of you if I said that I've been thinking about my future husband a lot lately. This growing up thing has really changed my perception of him through the years and it only goes to prove what I knew all along:

God knows exactly what you/I need in a spouse. Even when we're not ready to know what we need.

This simple truth is so incredibly freeing to me. If God knows what I'll need in a co-sharer of the gospel, then he'll let me know when I can fully appreciate it and agree. Needless to say, this explains a lot.

This explains why I couldn't get my way and marry the first cute guy I liked in Kindergarten who never noticed nerdy little me. (Will post pic later) This would explain why, as much as He knows I tried, I could never make it work with other guys along the way. It's not because I didn't really love them or really try, but because I didn't know what I would/will become let alone what that means I would need.

Not to say that I do know now, it's just comforting. :)

So I've got three days left and just to warn you: I have no idea who I'll be when I come back, but pray that God will make me into a more godly, more mature woman of God.

Here's present Elyz saying,
"Here's lookin at you, kid."

(See: elyzabroad.blogspot.com for entries while in Prague!)

Skizophrenia

WARNING: I have no idea where this post is going...

My life is organized in file folders. I have each part set off in another section of my brain with its associated friends, activities, and emotions. And every so often I have to choose which part I spend more time in, invest in you might say. I'm sure you are not unlike me. You make choices to attend one event and miss another based on importance. Not that any one of these file folders isn't important in its own right, but some preceed others.

Quite clearly family trumps in most cases. However some days I wonder if I chose the right file folder. (I spent today with my family and church family and have no regrets about that, I'm speaking of previous days.) You make a quick choice which you hope won't come back to bite you when you find out what you could have been doing.

A friend of mine classified this as the dissease of not wanting to miss out on anything and I can't say I disagree. People always say that college should be the best four years of your life. What incredible pressure! I mean on top of attempting to make good grades you have to ALSO make sure you're having the most fun you'll ever have, because you've already been told "This is as good as it gets." How depressing is that?

So you put all your assorted friends and activities in their appropriate file folders and attempt to decipher which will be the most fun with the least consequences in each given circumstance. Maybe that's why binge drinking is so rampant on college campuses? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Are we having fun yet?

I titled this post Skizophrenia because sometimes it seems that way. That one minute life is going great and then you start to question if you're doing it right. And the answer is always no because there's always more you could study, more you could experience, there's no way that we could do it all in four years.

On top of all this, most people are said to meet their future spouse in college. As if I didn't have enough to worry about getting done. The stress is tremendous.

Example: I'm looking at possibly moving into an apartment (or dorm) and out of my parents house this fall. The real question is: "What will I miss?" If I live with my parents it's time that could be spent on studying, theatre, and friends. If I live near campus it's my brothers and sister growing up and the council my parents provide. (Not to mention free rent and groceries as well as other misc. benefits.) So how do you go about comparing the two? They're apples and oranges.

I'm leaving for Prague soon. I will be missing a lot by going. But would I miss more if I didn't? There's no way to know what I will be missing until it happens and the moment is gone. This is why I'm so terrible about deciding things.

...well that's not what I had planned to say at all...

vexed,
Elyz