Life isn't fair.

"Life isn't fair. You see I...I will never be king, and you...*dark chuckle*...you'll never see the light of another day..." *The Lion King*

So my mom is watching a Bible study video by Beth Moore and she's talking about how life isn't fair. I started out thinking selfish things like, "Yea I know!" and thinking about how poor and pitiful my life is...

She continued to talk about some Indian women she met on a mission trip and what poverty and devastation they live in. She talked about how she felt so guilty for living so well when they were stuck in such a terrible place. Ouch. I'm not saying my life is perfect but comparativly I have so much, it makes me feel so unworthy of what I have. If I cannot be content with all the many many blessings God has given me, how will I ever be happy? I have so much to learn sometimes, but at least He's there and always will be.

"Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice."
Elyz

Dear Bloggers,

I'm terribly sorry about the long delay, I've been running ragged these days. It is March and finally leaning towards Spring-like weather. I feel each day has been a completely new novel of its own so I'll probably have to catch you up very briefly. To make a potentially very long story short...

The show I auditioned for I was offered a role as well, the show was Amadeus and I was a shadow. I continued on to audition for Into the Woods, a musical by Stephen Sondheim, which I also made, this time playing Milky-White, a cow. Finally I auditioned recently for Macbeth and recieved the roles of Donalbain and Caithness, also being a part of the ensemble. We are now in rehearsal for this show and I am proud to announce I have my first speaking role in University Theatre. The actors and technicians have all been nothing but wonderful to me and are becoming very good friends whom I rely on greatly.

Which leads me to Drew. During Into the Woods, Drew and I came to the conclusion that we weren't as compatible as we had once thought. Due to many reasons which I will not detail, we broke up on February 20, 2010.

Since that day God has been turning my world upside down. I have learned so much it's really amazing. Everyday I walk with Him to class and hold His hand, I'm depending on Him so much it's hard to think of myself as alone at all when I let Him be near.

Freshman year is turning out very differently than planned, so I've decided I'm done planning everything. While I will still plan out for some things I'm not deciding my future anymore, because that's gonna be what God wants it to be.

"Everything's changing and I don't feel the same"

~Elyz~

Thoughts cont...

So...

I sat there for about an hour, when he finally showed up, really late, and taught one semi-section. Which must have taken about 5 min. in totality. And then he let us go...

So I am left with a couple hours before work will start. So here I am, in the Coffee House under Mitch's Tavern sipping on a Mocha Vienna and typing up my blog.

I like this...

Content,
Elyz

Thoughts:

Hey!

I am sitting in my MA 103 class right now it is 8:06, the class begins at 8:30... So today my thought is on time management. I have been late twice so far to my first mon., wed., fri. class, and very very early to this class (for now the second time). I have also been early to Amadeus practice twice and cutting it close once. I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to hit it right on time or like 5 min. early.

I've been on time everyday for work, thankfully, but between judging times for buses and times for walking and all that, I've become mostly boggled.

Oh! Another fun fact: I slept through last night without tossing and turning for the first night since I've arrived here on campus! Which is kindof bitter-sweet.

I'll post the continuation of this while at work, most likely, or I'll be doing homework...

Thanks for listening!
Elyz

The Picture Below:

A note about the photo below:

I found it on photobucket and I wanted to use it as my profile picture but it just posted it here...

Oh well...

I like rain, a lot. If you can't tell from the picture. I especially love European style streets in the rain... I know it's strange.

That is all.

Elyz

Day Two:

I swiped away a bead of sweat from the nape of my neck and took a breath to steady myself. I stopped myself halfway between the two halls that I kept confusing. I closed my eyes for a second and tried with all my will power to remember which building housed my English class.

Withers...it HAS to be there....I'm sure...

I made my descision and stepped painfully towards the higher building before me. As I drew closer the typical red and white sign stopped me again telling me in degrading tones that Withers housed foreign language and history classes and NOT any english courses. I felt all the eyes in a two block radius stare me down and i huffed and turned back to Winston. Each step a more painful reminder of my lack of preparation and responsibility. The late summer sun beat against my deep red backpack and cooked my back till it stuck to the fabric in most places. I could almost feel my makeup running off of my face as a gust of fresh air conditioner chilled me. Inside Winston was uninviting as well, harsh tones of gray and pale white coloring the halls and heavy metal staircase.

Upon getting to the first floor, where, if Paige was right, my English class should be. I wandered until I was sure that the number I had been read was not anywhere to be found.

Maybe I heard her wrong...16010...10601...01106...

I swiftly checked the numbers along the identical doors lining the threatening hall. Nothing matched even remotely. Panic creeped up my throat clawing at my voice and air supply. I knew I had to keep my head, but that seemed like a distant priority. My feet kept scuffing and tripping along, ignoring my lack of direction or purpose. I felt for a moment like I was drowning, the invisible water rose to my eyes for only a second before I stopped myself. I took a deep breath and shut myself up before I could humiliate myself.

I finally came upon a janitorial woman. She was wearing the typical uniform of gray and black and was armed with a mop and bucket. I asked her about the number I couldn't remember correctly and a flash of confusion shot across her smooth chocolate face. She suddenly controlled the look and set herself to help me. The woman talked quietly which complemented her slight frame and gentle short hair. All-in-all she was a very nice woman. I noted that if we were not in this perdicament I may have never noticed this woman. A pang of guilt hit me where my backpack pulled at my spine.

She led me to an office with another woman who looked up my class patiently and gave me a more likely number which I had probably just missed in my confused dizzyness. 20. I didn't have time to be angry at myself, I would save that for later. I pressed on the short distance to my English class. As I entered the room I almost hit myself...I had passed the room at least 5 times already this morning.

After the generic English introduction I made my way quickly to the proffesor. She was a frail blonde lady who looked like an English teacher in every way. I idly hoped I would never look that way...

The rest of the day slowly improved as I learned the new numbers and rooms and teachers who looked like teachers. After three classes in a row I made my way, exausted, to my job. I worked as a Transportaion Employee in the North Campus VIC booth, which is all fancy words for saying that I sat in a small air conditioned box and pressed a button to raise a gate, occasionally giving directions. I had been blessed by God to have come upon this job, incidentally at orientation several months ago. I sat there for 2 hours everyday so that Deborah, another employee who worked there all day listening to Foxy Rn'B radio, could get lunch.

After the clock tower struck 1, I walked the entire way back to my dormitory. Paige was already in our room on her laptop. I was ready to collapse in my bed...(Metaphorically speaking, I had the top bunk so that would be difficult)...when I remembered that I had an audition that night.

I had hoped to actually get some work done on the part, but sleep overtook my eyes with a little help from Drew, who promptly pestered me about stress enough to finally put me to sleep for a short while. When I woke up it was too late, I had to rush to get dinner with Paige and Braxton before walking back to the Theatre.

When I got back I almost immediately fell asleep. Drew was on the phone with me, gently nudging me toward sleep.

"You need to go to bed now, you've had a long day and I want you to get your rest..."

I simply sighed and made a frustrated grumbling sound to let him know that I really didn't want to go to sleep yet. However, I knew I was losing ground steadily.

"Go to bed, Sweetie, we can talk more tomorrow...I love you...Sweet dreams"

By the time he had said "Sweet" I was gone. I was deep in a restless sleep and continued to toss throughout the night, hoping that if I tossed in one specific way I might fall into a deep dreamless sleep...