Note to self:
Life happens once and too quickly to waste any of it on being afraid. So don't waste your life moping or in fear. Today I know I won't take this for granted but I write this so that in a few weeks I can look back and maybe I can redeem a few more days of my life for God's work than I would have. I never want to spend another day away from Jesus, for the rest of my life, because those days are just a waste of precious time.
Praise God, He pardons me.
Sincerely,
Past Elyz
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Cloud-watching
So it's a Friday which is already wonderful, but it's also the Friday before Spring Break. It's also gorgeous outside, hence the title of this blog. I was just listening to this song by Priscilla Ahn (Dream) and realized how incredibly happy I am today. I mean it's just one of those days that life is just good. So I'm gonna go could-watching after I finish Stage Combat today. So if you read this, I know it's chilly, go outside and be happy. :) Life is good.
~Elyz~
~Elyz~
Sunday, February 20, 2011
1-20-2011
I've begun this blog post so many times and yet I still can't seem to say what I mean to. Today has been one year. Maybe one day I'll be able to accurately explain what happened and what is happening now, but today I can't. All I know is that I thought God was done with me. I'm writing this because maybe someone needs to hear it. And even though it's painful, it's a blessing today.
One year ago today I realized that the future I had envisioned was never going to happen. It was one of the most painful days of my life. I'd run so far away from God for so long, and in a moment I realized exactly where I was. I was lost and cold and more selfish than I ever thought I could become. I was a monster. In that day I finally saw myself for what I really was and was truely horrified. I literally fell on my knees and let myself be broken.
This past year has been full bittersweet. God welcomed me back and I will never fully understand why. Sometimes everyday seems to bring me another adventure, sometimes it seems as though I'm flooded with impossiblities. But my life will never again be what it was then. I may still be a monster, but I pray that I will never be that girl again. My point is, however, that when I thought I was done, God was only beginning.
I've been weaker then ever before, and out of my own control. (which, for those of you who know me, is absolutely petrifying.) I've felt useless and spent, and somehow God finds that little bit that's left of me and uses it. It's absolutely exhausting but also incredible and fulfilling.
I'd also like to say that I didn't spend this year just me and God, however that was a huge part of it. I owe my sanity, in part, to several of my closest friends and family. (you know who you are.) I don't deserve you all, and I'll also never know why you all have blessed me as selflessly as you have. I hope that one day I'll be able to bless you as well as you have taught me is indicative of someone who loves God.
I've spent this entire year knowing a little of what the next day will hold as far as pain and/or regret. But for the first time tonight I'll fall asleep with absolutely no idea what tomorrow will hold and it scares me. I'm scared because I thought I'd always wake up with the weight of this year. Because I assumed that tomorrow morning I would wake up and be perfectly fine, and I've realized that I will never be the same. Because I had accepted the fact that I would never forget what it was like to fall in love and I realized today that I had forgotten. I'm scared because I don't know and I'm vulnerable.
But it's a great kind of scared. I heard once that courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that something is more important than that fear. I know that God's work for me isn't done and so, while I still feel very weak, I can say that I am confident in my Lord and have courage that if He brings me to it, He will see me through it, because only He can.
Praise the Lord, He is faithful.
~Elyz~
ps: Day 1...
One year ago today I realized that the future I had envisioned was never going to happen. It was one of the most painful days of my life. I'd run so far away from God for so long, and in a moment I realized exactly where I was. I was lost and cold and more selfish than I ever thought I could become. I was a monster. In that day I finally saw myself for what I really was and was truely horrified. I literally fell on my knees and let myself be broken.
This past year has been full bittersweet. God welcomed me back and I will never fully understand why. Sometimes everyday seems to bring me another adventure, sometimes it seems as though I'm flooded with impossiblities. But my life will never again be what it was then. I may still be a monster, but I pray that I will never be that girl again. My point is, however, that when I thought I was done, God was only beginning.
I've been weaker then ever before, and out of my own control. (which, for those of you who know me, is absolutely petrifying.) I've felt useless and spent, and somehow God finds that little bit that's left of me and uses it. It's absolutely exhausting but also incredible and fulfilling.
I'd also like to say that I didn't spend this year just me and God, however that was a huge part of it. I owe my sanity, in part, to several of my closest friends and family. (you know who you are.) I don't deserve you all, and I'll also never know why you all have blessed me as selflessly as you have. I hope that one day I'll be able to bless you as well as you have taught me is indicative of someone who loves God.
I've spent this entire year knowing a little of what the next day will hold as far as pain and/or regret. But for the first time tonight I'll fall asleep with absolutely no idea what tomorrow will hold and it scares me. I'm scared because I thought I'd always wake up with the weight of this year. Because I assumed that tomorrow morning I would wake up and be perfectly fine, and I've realized that I will never be the same. Because I had accepted the fact that I would never forget what it was like to fall in love and I realized today that I had forgotten. I'm scared because I don't know and I'm vulnerable.
But it's a great kind of scared. I heard once that courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that something is more important than that fear. I know that God's work for me isn't done and so, while I still feel very weak, I can say that I am confident in my Lord and have courage that if He brings me to it, He will see me through it, because only He can.
Praise the Lord, He is faithful.
~Elyz~
ps: Day 1...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A Note Concerning 5:45 AM
So this morning I had to wake up at 5:45am to do my Philosophy homework and I, shockingly, actually did wake up that early. I just thought I'd write a quick note about it because, I kid you not, I thought this would be the death of me. However, my results have been quite different.
I set my alarm clock for once, which was nice because I got to wake up to "1,2,3,4" by Plain White T's. ^_^ Because I woke up happy I was able to force myself to turn on my light and get up. (This may not sound like much, but trust me it's near impossible to convince myself to get up in the morning unless I'm already late.) Because I got up early I got to read the next chapter in Zechariah and the first chapter of 1 Corinthians which, let me tell you, is about as thick as a Cook-Out shake when it's 5:45am. Because I did this, I was able to do my Philosophy homework and do it well. (while waiting for Kelsey to shower.) Because I did my homework I probably still have a 100% average in Philosophy. Because of all this I was able to be right on time getting out of the house and actually got to class a little early. (A first for my 8:30am class which I commute 30min every other morning to.)
Because of this I was able to think clearly during class and give some arguments which I'd say were fairly adequate about Plato's analogies of the "Sun" and "Divided Line." I even got to see a great logical proof for God's existence which the professor probably didn't even notice he was giving! Because of this I listened to some great music and praise God on my way to Astronomy, which put me in a good enough mood to actually talk to one of the people in our class and befriend them. (Which I'm usually way too shy to do.) This also led to me thinking clearly enough to get almost all the questions right in class and (just now) my first 100 for homework in that class.
All this led me to be in a great mood for work where (although there were some frustrating people as usual) I was able to keep my temper. This led to me deciding to eat my lunch outside by Talley, which led me to have a moment of awesome inspiration which led me to draw this awesome sketch which made me even happier!
Which led me to write this post.
Catching the drift?
Maybe I should wake up at 5:45am more often?
~Elyz~
I set my alarm clock for once, which was nice because I got to wake up to "1,2,3,4" by Plain White T's. ^_^ Because I woke up happy I was able to force myself to turn on my light and get up. (This may not sound like much, but trust me it's near impossible to convince myself to get up in the morning unless I'm already late.) Because I got up early I got to read the next chapter in Zechariah and the first chapter of 1 Corinthians which, let me tell you, is about as thick as a Cook-Out shake when it's 5:45am. Because I did this, I was able to do my Philosophy homework and do it well. (while waiting for Kelsey to shower.) Because I did my homework I probably still have a 100% average in Philosophy. Because of all this I was able to be right on time getting out of the house and actually got to class a little early. (A first for my 8:30am class which I commute 30min every other morning to.)
Because of this I was able to think clearly during class and give some arguments which I'd say were fairly adequate about Plato's analogies of the "Sun" and "Divided Line." I even got to see a great logical proof for God's existence which the professor probably didn't even notice he was giving! Because of this I listened to some great music and praise God on my way to Astronomy, which put me in a good enough mood to actually talk to one of the people in our class and befriend them. (Which I'm usually way too shy to do.) This also led to me thinking clearly enough to get almost all the questions right in class and (just now) my first 100 for homework in that class.
All this led me to be in a great mood for work where (although there were some frustrating people as usual) I was able to keep my temper. This led to me deciding to eat my lunch outside by Talley, which led me to have a moment of awesome inspiration which led me to draw this awesome sketch which made me even happier!
Which led me to write this post.
Catching the drift?
Maybe I should wake up at 5:45am more often?
~Elyz~
Thursday, February 10, 2011
100 Days
Hello Cyberfriends,
So cerca 100 days from today I will be boarding a plane to travel to Prague, Czech Republic! God's already prepared me and provided so much for me in this time but I know that these last few weeks will be the most pivotal to my ability to serve while I'm there. I'd like to ask all of you to pray for me before and during this trip and in return I will attempt to blog every day while I am in Prague! I may or may not get to blog before I leave though...haha, I'm kind of busy with preparations.
So my main question is what you'd want me to blog about while I'm there?
I had some ideas but I'd like to know what you want to know about while I'm gone?
PS: If no one answers I'll just have to do something boring like pictures. ;) But I'd really prefer a theme or something.
PSS: In the mean time enjoy the new song on the blog: "Send me on my way" from Rusted Boot. It's in Ice Age and stuck in my head, but it's a pretty decent song to be stuck there so I don't mind so much. Enjoy!
~Elyz~
So cerca 100 days from today I will be boarding a plane to travel to Prague, Czech Republic! God's already prepared me and provided so much for me in this time but I know that these last few weeks will be the most pivotal to my ability to serve while I'm there. I'd like to ask all of you to pray for me before and during this trip and in return I will attempt to blog every day while I am in Prague! I may or may not get to blog before I leave though...haha, I'm kind of busy with preparations.
So my main question is what you'd want me to blog about while I'm there?
I had some ideas but I'd like to know what you want to know about while I'm gone?
PS: If no one answers I'll just have to do something boring like pictures. ;) But I'd really prefer a theme or something.
PSS: In the mean time enjoy the new song on the blog: "Send me on my way" from Rusted Boot. It's in Ice Age and stuck in my head, but it's a pretty decent song to be stuck there so I don't mind so much. Enjoy!
~Elyz~
Monday, February 7, 2011
Waiting.
"...You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting..."
-Dr. Suess
...Is in the Waiting Place. Too bad Dr. Suess never told us how you'll get out.
~Elyz~
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Little Perspective
So I know I need to write about something, but I'm not sure exactly what.
A friend, who I really doubt will end up reading this, posted today on Facebook a rhetorical question asking what people do when they wake up one day and all their goals are met. Well, I know it was meant to be rhetorical, but seeing as I can't find anything to write about I guess I'll just answer it.
When I wake up one day in the far distant future and I look at my husband, my children, my life, and I ask myself what now? The answer will be Christ. I'm slowly discovering perhaps a sliver of the bigger picture of my tiny thread of a life. I'm learning that this whole experience is only my engagement. I'm going to marry the King of Glory one day. So how can my life not be a wonderful bittersweet falling in love time with Christ? Even when I have my best friend and my unimaginable children and perhaps even a career or something else, I will never be satisfied until I'm in the arms of my Love. These tiny vicotries shed light on the reality of marriage and relationships for me and how different they are for me rather than those who have no life after this.
I used to hate when my parents said that they didn't believe that it would matter who you married in heaven. I mean how can you love someone like that your whole life and then it doesn't matter? But I'm beginning to understand...and as much as I will love my future husband and as amazing as our life here will be...I'm sorry but there is no man on earth that can compare to my Jesus. Spoiler: My Jesus wins.
So this is basicly changing everything. As it should. As I hope it does for you, cyberspace.
In waiting,
Elyz
A friend, who I really doubt will end up reading this, posted today on Facebook a rhetorical question asking what people do when they wake up one day and all their goals are met. Well, I know it was meant to be rhetorical, but seeing as I can't find anything to write about I guess I'll just answer it.
When I wake up one day in the far distant future and I look at my husband, my children, my life, and I ask myself what now? The answer will be Christ. I'm slowly discovering perhaps a sliver of the bigger picture of my tiny thread of a life. I'm learning that this whole experience is only my engagement. I'm going to marry the King of Glory one day. So how can my life not be a wonderful bittersweet falling in love time with Christ? Even when I have my best friend and my unimaginable children and perhaps even a career or something else, I will never be satisfied until I'm in the arms of my Love. These tiny vicotries shed light on the reality of marriage and relationships for me and how different they are for me rather than those who have no life after this.
I used to hate when my parents said that they didn't believe that it would matter who you married in heaven. I mean how can you love someone like that your whole life and then it doesn't matter? But I'm beginning to understand...and as much as I will love my future husband and as amazing as our life here will be...I'm sorry but there is no man on earth that can compare to my Jesus. Spoiler: My Jesus wins.
So this is basicly changing everything. As it should. As I hope it does for you, cyberspace.
In waiting,
Elyz
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